How Do You Say "Moron" in Korean?

I’m a poor college student and I donate plasma. But I wouldn’t go down to the plasma bank and donate if I, say, felt a bad cold coming on. It would be unwise. When I feel sickness brewing, I’m not going to voluntarily extract my immunities. I say, “hey, plasma, you’re staying put because I’m going to need you soon.” And I probably pop a couple of extra vitamins, too. Maybe eat an orange, stay ridiculously hydrated. I do not ignore my symptoms and pray that they’ll subside, and I certainly don’t make unhealthy decisions that welcome the illness. I prepare.

Apparently this brand of common sense is lost on our president, because if North Korea’s nuclear weapon system is a bad cold, and the United States military is our immune system, Barack Obama just hooked us up to the plasma pump. He’s watching, and even squeezing a little rubber ball to expedite, as our blood gushes through a tube and into a machine that he thinks will spin miraculous diplomacy out of our fluids. But as the nurse removes the needle and sends him on his way, Barack, weak and voluntarily defenseless, will faint. And he’s bringing all of America down with him.

Just one day after a hostile nation launches a rocket that they were warned not to launch, the President of the United States announces that he’ll cut defense spending, primarily taking money from a weapons development program that specializes in bringing down nuclear weapons post-launch. He spoke in Prague on Sunday about the matter and said that he wanted America to lead by example, hoping that if we cut our nuclear development, so will the rest of the world, and then no one has to live in fear of global nuclear war. He said that instead of strengthening our disarmament systems, we should aim to halt the proliferation of all nuclear weaponry.

Utopian, no? Barack O-Flower Child has frolicked over to North Korea and stuck a daisy in the barrel of Kim Jong Il’s gun. It’s absolutely asinine to think that because we halt our nuclear development systems, so will everyone else. North Korea didn’t stop when we bluntly told them to, and they certainly won’t under the power of suggestion. And when we stand behind microphones and proudly project to our enemies that we’re cutting defenses, it’s just a matter of time until one of them strikes us down. We are begging for an attack.

Not only is this decision dangerous in terms of national security, it’s an outstanding economic mistake. The department Obama plans to cut currently employs around 90,000 people. But maybe all those eliminated jobs can transfer to a crew of painters who’ll slap a big red target on us.

This is what happens when we elect a megalomaniac. First, he assumes that the people of Iran will embrace him if he uploads a YouTube video, then he gives the British Prime Minister a box of DVDs as a gift and assumes he’ll think they’re great because they’ve got Obama cooties on them, and he presupposes that the Queen will want to listen to his speeches over and over again through white earbuds. Now, he thinks that if it’s him calling the shots instead of all the great presidents before him, the irate dictators of the world will put down their metaphorical swords and shields and give us a big, white-flagged hug. Not everyone loves you yet, Barack. You have to earn the right to be tacky and naive.

As we sneeze and cough and run a fever, don’t expect Dayquil from Dr. President. He’ll be the one depriving you of sleep and locking you outside in the cold and draining you of any strength your body may have had left to fight off the pending sickness.

How many wŏn do we get for a pint of American plasma?